Gosford Hospital of Horror

A while ago I went for a girls' dinner with around fifteen of my Swedish friends on Central Coast. Most of them did not know at the time that I was pregnant. Towards the end of the evening the conversation steered towards pregnancies in general and child birth in particular. The general consensus turned out to be that whatever you do, do NOT have your baby at Gosford public hospital.

The stories were many, both first hand and friends or friends of friends, and they were all bad. It was all interventions and c-sections and disappointments and doctors getting involved. Basically all the things I would do anything to avoid.

The recommendations were that you either go Gosford Private (not going to happen) or the birthing center in Wyong (horrid one hour's car ride from our house). I really felt stuck between a rock and a hard place, as I had just spoken with the midwives and chosen Gosford as the hospital where I will have my baby.

In any case, I decided not to panic and to wait and make my own opinion once I'd seen the maternity ward and met the midwife. Easier said than done.

Yesterday I went for my first booking in appointment with a midwife. I would normally be seen in Woy Woy, but the midwife that was assigned my case is on holiday and I had to go to the hospital to see someone else. It was probably a good thing, to get to go there and see it first hand and see how I felt about it.

To be honest, I felt terrible about it. It is so big, with so many wards, and I had no idea where to go. I ended up at the maternity ward, meekly asking a nurse at reception where I was meant to go. The ward was so big and scary and hospitaley, I was close to tears just being there. It turned out I was meant to go to the birthing suites, and I found my way there reasonably easily.

The birthing suites ward was a bit less terrifying. It was calm and quiet with dimmed lights, and had  a little less of a big hospital feel. Although, judging from the signage, there were eight birthing rooms compared to two in Mona Vale where Daisy was born. The chances that I will be the only one there on the day, as I was when I had Daisy, are very slim.

The midwife was lovely, as they tend to be. I vented all my fears to her, all the while trying my best not to burst into tears. I managed to narrow it down to the following issues:
- Will a midwife be with me the WHOLE time I'm there giving birth?
- Do doctors get involved a lot?
- Are the intervention-happy rumours true?

Linda the Midwife put all my worries to rest, explaining to me that I was part of a midwife lead program where I would get to see the same midwife throughout my pregnancy, and if she was available she would be there on on the day also. The midwives of this program are the same as the ones that run the Wyong birthing centre, which feels reassuring. She assured me that once I'm at the hospital the midwife would not leave my side and would have no other assignments at the same time as mine. She even took me around the ward and showed the birthing rooms, told me how they like to keep things as natural as possible and listen to the mother's wishes. She told me how all the midwives are such mother hens and protective of their ladies, and how they would only call for the doctor if it was truly needed. She also told me that the doctor, a lady, was lovely and truly caring. It felt much like Mona Vale once I was there.

All of this, combined with hearing the heart beat and feeling the Minibean kicking around, has made me feel about a million times better about everything.

Gosford Hospital is still a terrifying place if you ask me, and I don't look forward to the long journey from the car park to the ward on the day, but on the whole it doesn't feel impossibly scary any more.

Turning point, I promise

Today I went to the hospital to book in with the midwives. All went well. I vented all my worries and midwife Linda made me feel much better. And also, she got her doppler out and we heard blood rushing through the umbilical cord, pulsing through the placenta, and finally the Minibean's heart beating at 140bpm. 

And also, I can now be sure that it's the Minibean I feel ping ponging around in there.

NOW I will turn my back on all my worries and weird feelings about this pregnancy and start bonding with this little creature.

Hello little Minibean, I'm here and I will focus on you now! I promise.

Definitely, maybe

I can definitely feel something. Something faintly twitching and flicking. Definitely. I think. Maybe.

Wishful thinking

Daisy has a temperature for the second night in a row. Poor little one. First illness in a year though, good going!

I keep imagining that maybe, maybe I felt a little movement from the Minibean. Hard to tell at 16 weeks. Now I'm going to feel even more like an idiot if it turns out all is not well...

Going bonkers, for real

I am truly struggling with this pregnancy. I wish I could feel happy.

It all becomes clear whenever I speak with a friend and they are all excited and happy for me. "This is so GREAT, can't wait to meet the bubba, so happy for you!" they squeal. And I nod and smile and do my best to fake excitement, all the while feeling like an absolute fraud. I actually feel like I'm faking this pregnancy. Because obviously there won't be a baby at the end, why would there be? There never is. And I will feel like such an idiot when I have to go to everyone and say actually, I'm not pregnant. Not anymore. This is why I don't tell people much, I don't announce because I want to save us all from feeling like idiots.

For all I know this pregnancy is already over and I really am just faking.

This is soul draining and quite frankly driving me a bit bonkers. I really want that midwife appointment on Easter Monday to come around quickly, and I can't wait to start feeling the baby move. Imagine that, a bit of communication from the little Minibean to let me know it's alive and well. It is going to be heavenly.

14 weeks. Come on...

Is this some sort of joke? I am experiencing the whole smaller in the morning, bigger in the afternoon phenomenon. But come on, I'm only 14 weeks! I wasn't this big with Daisy even at 20 weeks!

De ja vu

I have started experiencing a pregnancy symptom that I remember fondly from my pregnancy with Daisy: My hair doesn't get greasy, ever. I can go a full week without washing it, I even forget when I washed it last, and it looks perfectly clean.

Very, very nice.