It all becomes clear whenever I speak with a friend and they are all excited and happy for me. "This is so GREAT, can't wait to meet the bubba, so happy for you!" they squeal. And I nod and smile and do my best to fake excitement, all the while feeling like an absolute fraud. I actually feel like I'm faking this pregnancy. Because obviously there won't be a baby at the end, why would there be? There never is. And I will feel like such an idiot when I have to go to everyone and say actually, I'm not pregnant. Not anymore. This is why I don't tell people much, I don't announce because I want to save us all from feeling like idiots.
For all I know this pregnancy is already over and I really am just faking.
This is soul draining and quite frankly driving me a bit bonkers. I really want that midwife appointment on Easter Monday to come around quickly, and I can't wait to start feeling the baby move. Imagine that, a bit of communication from the little Minibean to let me know it's alive and well. It is going to be heavenly.
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